- not just sorry saying sorry for one´s own sins but it is being sorry for the damage and the hurt that we have caused others
- not something that can be forced. It is about voluntarily disclosing weaknesses and vulnerabilities to trusted and supportive people.
- not about being punished for wrong-doing it is about getting the perspective of your consultants who “been there before”.
For those of us that have been working on our healing and growth for sometime, there comes a point when we begin to take responsibility for our own actions. Sooner or later we come to realise that there really is no excuse for our choices and our behaviour. It can be very difficult to be honest with oneself and even harder to be honest with others. Staying in denial and blaming others seems much easier, except for the fact that it almost certainly guarantees that our old destructive behaviour patterns will continue unabated.
When we begin to accept responsibility for our behaviours and their consequences, we start to get a glimmer of what healing is really all about.
- Denial creates anxiety and depression. Honesty and accountability brings to peace and freedom.
When we are living in denial, we say that we did not hurt anybody; accountability is facing the fact that we actually did hurt others.
For example if we act out with compulsive masturbation, we might not recognise any damage to others. Yet we may have:
- been sexually unavailable to our partners.
- neglected to spend quality time with our kids, preferring the television or computer.
- spent much of our work time in fantasy and obsession when we should have been concentrating on our work.
As you can see the impact and the damage is very real
We recommend that each person look for consultants to whom you can become accountable. There are many possibilities. They can be supervisors, pastors, partners, local co-ordinator, counsellors or more experienced EV friends. The journey towards growth and healing requires honesty and openness. You will need consultants along the way.
I encourage you to build your support network and learn to become accountable. It´s fruit is peace and freedom.